What is 'Wrong'
by Martinis and Mixed Feelings
Summary: Kaoru is borderng the line of sanity about his feelings for Hikaru and dealing with a major inferiority complex. What happens when it starts to push him too far? Twincest. Sequel is now up.
1. Nightmares When You're Awake

**A/N: I don't own the show or the characters. Sucky title. But allow me to explain: It doesn't mean 'what is wrong' as in asking someone 'what's wrong? are you ok?'. The title is 'what is wrong' as in define the standards of 'wrong' and 'right' and who gets to decide that? OOCness. Kaoru POV.**

**What Is 'Wrong'?**

I bring my arms up to wrap around my knees, which are brought to my chest. I dare to stare at him, though it's dark in the dead of night. Even through a sea of darkness and frighteningly thick silence, the unique color of his vibrant hair gleams from across the room. And though his lids are closed with slumber, the image of his deep green and yellow orbs can be seen perfectly clear in my mind's eye. His pale, flaxen skin glows with its own luster along with the slivers of moonlight, escaping the curtained windows, that receive the honor of caressing such flawless flesh.

Since when did I notice such things that seem to be plainly written upon his lithe figure? Since when did I come to notice such desirable traits that only he has?

Since when did the fooler become the fooled?

And when... oh when, did I start believing my own lies?

He shifts in his bed and suddenly two brilliant yellow yet emeralds blink open and flutter a bit before finding their way to me. I stiffen under his gaze, and avert mine away. I can't stand to stare into his eyes that have that slight glint of worry within them.

"Kaoru?" His sweet voice cuts sharply yet carefully through the silence that separates us. I focus on something imaginary on the ground and try not to suppress the emotion in my eyes.

"What's wrong? You've been acting... strange as of late. Is something the matter?"

I shift my gaze down further and remain silent.

"Kaoru," His tone is softer, a little above a whisper, "Please... don't hide anything from me. Tell me."

The raw concern in his voice causes me to falter.

"I-It's nothing." I reply quietly, wrapping my arms around my shoulders. My eyes stay positioned where they are and I hear him get up and move across the room, advancing to me. I try to ignore it, and close my orbs tight, but they snap back open when I feel his arms around me and I'm being pulled to his warm chest.

He has no idea what he's doing to me. He could never understand... I love him... but should I feel this dirty to? Yes, I suppose I should. He could never feel the same. Is the shame punishment for loving a mirror image of my physical self? Or is it foreshadowing my rejection? I believe it is both.

The scent of his embrace is intoxicating I've become addicted. And I realize, I could only be satisfied with just Hikaru's hands, no one else's, running through my hair as his are now. I don't deserve him. His embraces, company, and I don't deserve to share and almost identical body.

"Kaoru, why don't we sleep together tonight. Like we used to.."

Ah, yes I remember. When I was a child, I would often get scared at night or have a nightmare, and Hikaru would always be there; fighting away my fears, sleeping by my side. He's always been there for me, always has been, but he can never truly be mine.

Just as we lay our heads down together, Hikaru's arms still holding me, I begin to sob softly. He pulls me in tighter and I burry my face in his shirt, fisting my hands in it as well. One hand goes to stroke my hair, the other to wrap around my waist (here I blush a bit through my own tears, but it goes unseen, as my head is firmly pressed to his chest), as he begins to mumble soothing words, coaxing my tears to dry.

Am I taking advantage of his kindness, using this to my own twisted pleasure? Am I enjoying his comfort way too much?

...Would he be disgusted if he knew of my true feeling? Would he push me away, hate me?

He would. I sob harder, as aching thoughts continue to run through my troubled mind. Slumber again finds us both, content just as we are.

**A/N: Ok, OOC and just terrible (and short), I know. However, for now it is just a oneshot, but I have intentions of continuing this fic to go on for a while. If you want me to, review. I probably will anyway, but it's a matter if I type the chapters up and put it on here or not... (If I do though, the title WILL change... I hate it the current title)**


	2. Another one?

**A/N: DAMMIT! I still can't think of a good title. But it will change... sometime...**

**What is 'Wrong'?**

**Chapter 2**

I half-heartedly strum my fingers on the table before us in rhythm with his own, my head resting comfortably in my left palm; my position identical to his. Hunny-senpai and Mori-senpai are seated beside Haruhi, who sits in across from Hikaru, to my left. Kyouya sits at the end of the table, to Hikaru's left and Haruhi's right, scratching away on his trusty clipboard. Behind Kyouya's chair, our lord paces back and forth deep in thought, mumbling 'What to do... what to do...' in time with his strides. The same chant runs through my mind, but I am searching for something to be my savor from this inapplicable boredom.

I glance over to Hikaru, only to find my attention stolen yet again by his endless beauty. My gaze has been trapped; I find I cannot pull it away from the very essence of perfection, the way his left cheek is gingerly cupped by his left hand, supporting himself as his long right fingers continue the mantra. His slightly glazed, half-lidded eyes follow a bird's graceful dance against the beautiful variation of colors of the afternoon outside one of the music room's wide windows.

He appears to have noticed my attention and lazily repositions his gaze to land upon myself. I panic a bit and glance away quickly, trying to hide the small blush that plainly adorns my pale skin while also fighting down the growing embarrassment that is dwelling within. Since I had taken his attention away from the window, he now observes our distraught king.

"Something ails you, my lord?" His sumptuous voice drawls out, capturing everyone's attention.

"Yes, the preparations for the dance party being held this Saturday."

"Another dance party?" I ask.

"Yes," answers Kyouya, "They actually bring in a large sum. Though less formal than our annual spring dance party, this will still be quite an event. And, sir, the preparations have all been made."

"Yes, yes, I know that. I am thinking of which suite I should wear... AH! I have it! The Host Club meeting is now adjourned!"

Will sweatdrops and sighs of relief, we all begin to exit the lifeless school, all heading toward our separate homes.

Outside, the painful scent of reality is cruel, yet it gives me some sort of stability. If everything were so imaginary and insane as they are in the Host Club would I loose my personal individuality, and become just another Hikaru? You see, the Host Club, as well as the whole school in fact, is based mainly on what is on the outside and on looks. If that were the case, then there would only be need for on Hitachiin. Sure, 'brotherly love' is a two person act, but it disgusts me to think of it as an act anyway, and for many reasons.

One, is because I hate to admit it actually is only and act. I can't truly savor the feeling of Hikaru's heavenly light touches against my bare flesh if I know it's only for the girls who are sure to squeal at our displays. When it's fake like that, it hurts. Another reason, is because it brings to mind the fact that I really don't know how Hikaru feels about the more-than-brotherly affection he receives and gives, even if it's fake. Does it make him uncomfortable? Sickened to actually think we could ever really be like that?

Just bringing these hurtful thoughts to mind increases my self-hatred. I always seem to hurt myself. I'm always the one to be emotionally wounded, and yet Hikaru is always there. I apologize for my trouble, yet he always just smiles. He always so caring... so Hikaru...

But no one else would know these things. In most people's mind, the main thing that probably separates us other than our hair is that Hikaru plays the seme and I play the uke. And it helps the situation none that Hikaru and I always have on our identical 'little devil' masks on at school or out in public just for our acts.

But really, Hikaru is so different from me. I think that's why I love him so. I can only find good in Hikaru, where as I can only find uselessness in myself.

When we were younger, I used to envy Hikaru's seemingly talent for everything. As I grew older, concealed jealousy became respect, respect blossomed into admiration, but I can't remember when admiration turned to love. Perhaps it was there from the beginning, I just didn't notice it.

"Um...Kaoru? You've been spacing out since the Host Club ended. Are you okay? Do you need me to do anything? Anything I could help you with? You know I'm always her-"

"Hi-Hikaru, I'm fine. I was just thinking."

My body seems to have moved on its own. Now, Hikaru and I are in the limo, going home. It appears I was just blankly staring out of the window the whole time. I just now notice the firm yet gentle grasp Hikaru has on my shoulder. Another strange emotion washes over me, and I find myself again fighting a rising blush down. Hikaru smiles beautifully. I think I just fell in love all over again.

"You're always so deep, Kaoru. Just chill out." He spills coolly with an expression of total relaxation, a look I would never be able to master.

"Yeah..." I mumble, not really paying attention to the words spilling out of my mouth. I try to redirect my thoughts in a different direction.

We're almost home now...

No...

Um…Oh yes, we're having another dance party. When is it again? I search through my memory briefly... ah, it's this weekend, Saturday.

...Saturday! Wait! That's tomorrow!

**A/N: It sucks. sobs But, it has a plot now. A terrible, unoriginal, terrible, terrible plot, but at least it has one. (hopefully) This story will start to mold into something... I have it all planned out. The dance party is not the climax of the story! Bwahaha! (P.S. Don't burn anything today with fireworks! XD Happy 4th of July!)**


	3. Mental Abuse

**A/N: Ok, very important: This chapter did NOT turn out like I had planned it to… and it's short. So I went ahead and did the next chapter as well. I'll get it up as soon as possible. It's sorta short too, but if you put these together in your mind by using the magic of imagination, then it's kinda longerish… And since I'm changing the summary, the title won't change. Oh yeah, at the beginning of this chapter they're getting ready to leave for the dance.**

**What is 'Wrong'**

**Chapter 3**

Words cannot describe your beauty, nor the shear rays of light which seem to be emitting from your slender frame. Slightly be elegantly curved shoulders, head held high, and a calm, laid back expression… you look perfect, at least to me, because you actually look like yourself and not our identical postures and facial expressions we usually share. It pains me to know this beauty will again be covered our hideous masks in just a matter of minutes.

I cast my gaze again into the fragile glass before me which holds my true reflection. My shoulders are slouched with… weariness? My head is hung slightly in… dread of what will come tonight? And my face bears a hopeless frown, along with dull eyes and light, but still noticeable dark circles under my eyes... I look like… I'm about it break…

I'm beginning to just wait for it too happen.

Hikaru comes from behind, one hand on each of my shoulders, chin resting on one of his hands right next to my face… our cheeks are but mere centimeters away… damn those reoccurring blushes…

"Why such a face, Kaoru-chan? You shouldn't look so displeased with your image. We look alike."

No, we don't. I could never look as breath taking as you do now. Don't even _think_ we look alike. I want to scream it. I glance to my feet, lowering my head further instead.

I feel him move his lips close, _close_ to my ear. "You look perfect." He breathes.

So much at once; a shiver runs down my spine, my body completely freezes, my eyes double in size, my breath hitches for far too long and my voice evaporates, my face brightens in color, yet worst of all, the one thing I try to prevent most happens; hope rises. I hurry and attempt to stomp it out.

'That doesn't mean anything,' I chant in my head desperately, 'It doesn't, It doesn't, It doesn't, IT DOESN'T!' I mentally abuse myself again and again and continue to intentionally inflict deep emotional wounds.

"Kaoru? You ok?" Hikaru asks from across the room. I'm not sure when he got way over there, when my hands started to tremble so violently, or when tears had collected in my eyes, but the shock of being brought so suddenly out of my own thoughts caused my mind to quickly focus back on Hikaru.

I look back up to him- why, WHY do I always do that? I should know by now how terribly lost I get in his gleaming orbs. Guilt consumes me at his desperately worried expression. He quickly rushes to my side, and gingerly cups my face in his hands, wiping away unfallen tears.

"Kaoru…" The worry in his eyes changes to hurt, "If you don't want to tell me what's wrong, that's fine."

His eyes betray his word. The pain glowing deep inside is like a thousand daggers piercing my pale flesh and delving deeper and deeper until they twist sickeningly internally, but knowing I'm the cause of such pain makes me want to die the worst of deaths.

But… he smiles… my wish for death grows stronger…

"We have to leave for the dance party in a bit." He states cheerfully. It's nauseatingly fake, but that is a true, beautiful Hikaru smile. I can't help but feel the familiar tug at the corners of my own lips. I love Hikaru and his smiles.

**A/N: Again that was nothing like I thought it would be. But there is more bucket-fulls of angst yet to come. It'll be an angst fest! And then I will make something happen to make Kaoru break! Then there'll be more angst! Yay!**


	4. Demented Protection

**A/N: Oh my gosh! I am so sorry! I finished this chapter and was ready to post it then found out that my internet was down. Because of that, this chapter is later than it should be. Sorry! So anyway, presenting Chapter 4. I think the angstiest yet. Even if it's not a word…**

**What is 'Wrong'**

**Chapter 4**

The dance party being 'quite the event' my ass. There are other males from school here (so it's more like a school dance hosted by the Host Club), so that means less work (and dancing) for the Host Club. But just a little less. Currently, Hikaru and I are hiding in a far corner, watching all the events unfold around us. With such time, my mind begins to stray back to a few hours ago… smooth flesh ghosting over my own… hot breath washing over my ear and continuing on to tickle my cheek, which soon darkens in color…

Again I feel this sickening emotion rise up through my chest; hope. With more difficulty this time, I again frantically attempt to obliterate the sickness.

Kaoru; ever the pessimist.

I don't mean to be. I'm just afraid. Afraid of… being hurt. If I let hope consume me, then when I receive the rejection which is sure to come, I will be in even more pain. But if I go ahead and scar myself with my own words, no one else's will hurt as bad; when I'm rejected, it won't be as painful.

This is my sick, demented way of protecting myself emotionally. For that is my biggest fear- my greatest weakness- being hurt psychologically. I am not mentally or emotionally strong. And so to kill the hope, I begin to resume my mental self mutilation.

Why am I here? What purpose do I serve? Hikaru is perfect. He doesn't need me. No one does. I am Hikaru's only major flaw. I bring him down. For example, were I not here, Hikaru would surely throw the useless mask we share away and go out into the crowd. He would have friends. He's very social and quite outgoing. He would be out there having fun… _living_…

But I am shy. I always have been. Because I will no go out and socialize, he will not either. He is too kind. He doesn't want to leave me alone. That's the way it's always been. I would always be too scared, too shy, or just too anti-social to go out, so he would stay with me. So he alters our masks to be identically uninvolved, though knowing the true Hikaru I do, he'd rather be dancing with some lovely, lucky lady.

Am I self-consciously being selfish? Do I not go out because I know he will stay with me, so that I can have him all to myself? How can something so worthless be selfish? I seem to manage.

I'm destroying you, Hikaru. Get as far away from me as you can. Kill me. Or should I kill myself? Whichever will make you happier. If you wish to have your flaw's blood swathe your own hands, I'll provide your blade. If you wish to turn away and forget my existence, I can for fill the task myself. I've wounded myself enough over time. It wouldn't be difficult.

Whatever will make you happy, will also make me. Whatever will make my Hikaru happy.

"Kaoru!"

I hadn't noticed the tears streaming down my face. Shit. I get a little too lost in thought. Hikaru cleans my face with his thumbs again. If only for the fact that I don't want to trouble Hikaru with wiping away more tears, they cease.

"Kaoru…" he says my name again, but in shock, looking down at the firm grip one of my hands has on the other wrist. It's sticky and slimy… with his own hands, he pries then apart to find I had more than a firm grip… my nails had dug into my skin- deep. Enough to draw blood. Lots of it. I fight to suppress a grin.

Ok, so I get _way_ lost in thought.

Both of our hands covered in blood, we make our way to the restrooms, thankfully unnoticed. Hikaru takes the task of cleaning us both up. No more words were exchanged, but the look in his eyes is enough to bring back the temptation of suicide ten-fold.

He's avoiding eye contact. Is he worried, frightened, confused, annoyed? Perhaps all four? Together we leave the restrooms after getting cleaned up and Hikaru creating a makeshift bandage out of tissue paper and concealing it with my long sleeve.

"A…Ano… Hikaru-kun, Kaoru-kun, would you like to dance with us?"

And as simply as that our masks are back in place.

"Bu-But Hikaru, I don't want to be separated from you!"

Insert cute uke pout and dramatic fake tears collecting at the corners of my eyes while bringing one hand up to my mouth as usual.

"I will save a million dances just for you, love. And no one could ever take you away from me."

Insert dramatic seme-cuping-my-face ritual while bringing both our faces dangerously close.

Insert one more "Oh Hikaru…", squealing twincest and yaoi fangirls, and masks in place, we dance as promised with said princesses.

**A/N: Oooh. Le angst. Le more angst to come. Le happy author. Are you happy? Wells, anyway, the next chapter may take longer since I did two in one day. I was up til 5 in the morning writing. Heh. Review, me cheese! Or… don't…**


	5. Senses and Stars

**A/N: Erm… onward! (Disclaimer: Me no gots**)

**What is 'Wrong'**

**Chapter 5**

"Excuse me for a moment please, my princess?" I politely ask after the song has ended to the young women I had been dancing with. My mind is clouded still. I've had enough of this mask for now. I briefly glance at Hikaru. He's looking at me. Just through that one gaze, a small conversation took place:

'What are you doing?'

'Nothing.'

'Where are you going?'

'Out. Don't follow me.'

And I look away so that I won't have to see the expression in his eyes change to worry and disappointment. I head out through the curtained double glass doors to the balcony. I stand to the end, and quickly run my hands along the cool, fancy railing.

Starry skies just beyond my reach. They shine brilliantly out of the darkness. Though a sea of seemingly black abyss surrounds them, they are not snuffed out. They hold strong, and for what purpose? To hold the gaze of specters such as myself? Or do they even have a reason to be as they are, fighting away darkness as they do?

If I had been listening, I might could have heard the melody of the crickets, the blinking eyes of the night creatures, the wind whispering the secrets of the universe in such an ever so small voice, or maybe even the slightly muffled tunes being played by a most prestigious orchestra that emits from the closed doors behind me. Alas, I was not listening, but instead slouched over the railing of the balcony that connects to the room in which the dance is being held. Both of my elbows rest against said rail, one arm brought up to rest my cheek in my palm.

I stare out into the darkness of the night, not really looking at anything in direct. I close my eyes, deep in thought yet again.

The very same wind that brought unheard messages of nothing yet everything, did carry one thing that I was forced to pay attention to; a type of freeze that shot through me chilling every fiber of my very being. I shiver harshly and the thick scent of a promise rain for later enters my lungs, then nothing. No fresh scents of the outside world. My sense of smell has vanished.

And I realize, after that last harsh shiver that quavered my whole body, I lost the ability to touch or feel. My body is numb. I attempt to hold my composure, and still refuse to open my eyes. Along with the sense of smell went my taste, so I did not notice it was blood I had been coughing up until I felt a bit run beneath my chin (one of the only places I still had a bit of feeling in).

I tried to snap my eyes open, but when they opened, everything was still black. I could now not see anything but black.

I somehow manage to feel my legs give out and send me to the ground in a tattered clump, which would have surely been very painful, if I still had the ability to feel. I listen, to see if I could hear someone who had noticed. I could hear nothing, but this was not like before. A while ago, I had purposefully blocked out all sound.

Now the only thing I could hear was my screaming in my own head as I feel more coughs tearing through my body, more blood pouring out. I feel like I'm being brutally beaten, yet I feel no pain. My head hit the ground hard before with my fall and I know it's bleeding and throbbing painfully, but I cannot feel it.

I finally realize the stars' purpose. They are meant to break the darkness. They provide a barrier so darkness does not consume the night's sky completely. They are the sky's savior.

What are my stars? I am being consumed by darkness right now. No, I suppose I have been being slowly consumed. And my own thoughts have done nothing but feed the darkness. I have done this. I have done this to myself. It is all my fault.

Hikaru...

You have always been my stars. You have always saved me, helped me, always been there for me. But what have you received? Nothing. For all of your precious efforts, I have nothing to give but my own worthlessness. My bright, shining star, you do not need to save me. You have done enough. Let the burden that is myself be lifted from your hands. This darkness... could be a blessing. This darkness that has festered and grown in my heart, only to spread outward, cutting off my senses, is the chance for you to be free.

No, now I understand. This darkness is fate. I shall not be saved from it. It will do you good. You will live happily now, without me. I won't fight this anymore.

I can sense my breaths becoming labored, and I'm choking on my own blood. But now I make no effort to continue breathing. This shall be my suicide. I shall be breathe no more.

Through the numbness, I feel my throat close up. I could possibly breathe if I wanted to, but of course I don't. I have a feeling if everything wasn't already black, it would be fading to black right now. I sense a sinking feeling in my head.

My mind completely shuts down.

**A/N: Cliff hanger. Well that was lovely. Not really. Damn, I just read my last chapter and this chapter... they suck (and too short). I almost totally lost confidence and was about to quit. But the evil plot bunnies are like slave drivers. Anyway, this chapter didn't turn out anything at all like I planned either, so now I don't know where to take this... huh. I'll come up with somethin.**


	6. The End? Sequel up

**A/N: This chapter starts in Hikaru's POV. Read the important note at the bottom. Sequel up now.**

**What is 'Wrong'**

**Chapter 6**

"We are gathered here today to commemorate the late Hitachiin Kaoru. A beloved son, twin brother and friend..."

I don't even listen to the old man talking about my Kaoru. He was... still is mine. I won't accept this. This is not a funeral... I haven't cried a single tear. He's not dead.. not dead! Not my Kaoru... but looking upon his pale, pale cheeks. For once, in a long time, he looks peaceful... happy.

He's gone.

B-But we've never been apart.. I'm not about to stop now. With no regrets, I flick out the pocket knife...it was Kaoru's. He always kept it in his pocket... what a perfect way to go... Kaoru, my dear Kaoru... I'm not going to let go. Not ever. I'll follow you where ever you go... even if it's in death.

My throat slit, I lie bleeding, but I'm next to Kaoru... and know that we'll be together again. I can't stop the smile that lingers on my face as I loose consciousness forever.

**Hahaha! You should have seen the look on your face! Oh, gosh! I'm so sorry. I'm a bitch. I couldn't help it, though! All of my lovely reviewers, who I love and give many huggles to, were like 'No! Kaoru can't die!', so I just had to... I'm sorry... Bad Lumy-chan. I don't get a cookie. Forgive me, meh pretties? Pa-leez? ... Ok I'll shut the hell up so you can read now. Presenting, the REAL Chapter 6:**

Beep... Beep... Beep...

The only sound that dares to break the thick silence. Yet, it sounds slower than it should. It's just proof that nothing in this stark white room is as it should be. Kaoru... _my_ Kaoru lies beneath a thin hospital blanket, still completely out of it. A breathing mask covers part of his face that is noticeably paler than usual. It's the only thing that keeps the heart machine going. The doctor says that it's as if he's trying not to breathe. This is all my fault.

The doctor also said that his condition was most likely caused from mental stress or irritation of some kind. When he asked if anyone had noticed a significant change of attitude or behavior, I hung my head in shame. I knew about this, but still did nothing but menial things to help him. It's my fault that he's hurt.

But... I can't help but wonder... why does he look so happy? Is that a small grin on his face? Maybe he's better this way. Something was tearing him apart inside, and maybe he wanted this, to escape. Where ever his mind has drifted off to, I hope he's happy. I hope this is helping him.

I still can't help but be selfish Hikaru though. I want him here, with me right now. What if in his dreams, I'm replaced by some one else who could be of more help to him. What if some one else's imaginary arms are wrapped around him protectively, pretend fingers running through his hair. What if... he's happier there, in his own mind, then here with me.

I'm making my own self jealous. I want my Kaoru. Now! We've never been this far apart before, or this far away, even if I am right next to him. I _need_ my Kaoru back. He...completes me.

It's silly, I know, for me to feel this way. What would he say if he knew how I feel? I don't think I'm ready to find out yet.

Damn, I sicken myself. How could I be sitting here thinking of only myself when my Kaoru-chan is in this condition?

This is my fault. My fault, my fault, my fault! I let this happen. I should have held him closer, I should have made more of an effort to open him up. But those eyes... they held such emotion. "Leave me alone", they'd say, but still at the same time be screaming "Help me". There was so much sorrow and pain in those hazy orbs... but also, the thing most painful to acknowledge, there was loneliness. That emotion held strong, no matter what happened. Even when we had our masks on, a small glint of loneliness could be seen. But it still made my stomach churn so painfully.

Did he even notice all of his was hurting me? Every time he would not tell me what was wring, every time he would stare out into space with that hurtful expression, and every time he would look at me with those aching eyes, then look away even more hurt, just broke me. One of the worst parts was, I couldn't understand it. Was it me hurting him? If that was the case then I think I'd just die.

Even without our masks on, I could usually read his emotions and actions out so perfectly and understand them meaningfully. But now he has me just baffled. I can't read and understand him anymore. I knew he was about as deep as the oceans, but why then? Of all the times when I needed to read him, why did the ability leave me when I needed it most?

Kaoru... you're hurting... and because of that, I'm hurting... I hate loving you.

That's right. I absolutely hate loving Kaoru. But the thing I hate most about it is knowing that he doesn't feel the same.

My Kaoru, open your eyes, please. I miss you terribly. You look so lost and lonely. I promise, I'll never let you be alone again. If you'll open your eyes and just be with me again, I'll never let you go. I'll be with you forever. Hear my silent please, my desperation... Wake up! I love you. I'll always be here waiting for you, just like I am now... Everyone is waiting just for you.

The Host Club has gathered in one of Kyouya's hospitals, waiting for my Kaoru. I sit at one side of the bed, holding and gently stroking a cold, pale hand. Hunny-senpai, Mori-senpai, and Haruhi are on the other side. Hunny-senpai is bawling madly, being held and comforted by Mori-senpai by soft words and promises of cake. Haruhi stands beside them, looking quite worried and giving just a little comfort to a disheveled Tamaki-sama. And Kyouya stands beside Tamaki, at the end of the bed, scribling on a clipboard and muttering every once in a while about how profits will go down if Kaoru doesn't wake up soon.

Kaoru... doesn't wake up...

I don't even want to linger on that dreadful thought.

"Well, we should leave these two alone now. The rain is starting to drastically pick up." Kyouya-senpai, breaks the dead silence aside from the machine and Hunny-senpai's occasionally soft sob.

"H-He's right everyone. We should go. We'll be back tomorrow, alright?" Tamaki's voice sounds awkward.

"Aa" And they leave.

I cast my gaze again to my beloved counter-part. Don't they say people can hear you when they're out? Well, it's worth a try.

"Kaoru?... Kaoru-chan? Can you hear me? I hope so," I whisper tenderly, then pause to brush a lock of hair away from closed eyes. "I want so badly to ask you what's wrong. Would you answer me with words, or those terribly sad eyes? I hate it when you won't tell me, cause then I can't fix it. I hate seeing you hurt. I hate it when you're sad and lonely. I hate... knowing you can never love me the way I love you..."

My head feels heavy. It begins to droop most ungracefully. The rain outside pounds against the windows and roof like a hammer to a nail. It rings through my head like a drum lullaby. My eyes fail me... I cradle Kaoru's arm, and fall asleep as close to him as possible, just to breathe his scent in as much as I can.

---

A scared little twin wakes up, startled by his brother's confession. Shock is soon replaced by pain, then a sorrowful, grim grin. Kaoru strokes the hair of his older love, admiring the way he can sleep peacefully and still look breath taking. Tears collect in his eyes again, an all to familiar habit.

"Yes, I heard you. I heard every word. But I could never let you know that. Facts still remain... I don't deserve you, can't make you happy. Even if what you said was true, we couldn't be together anyway. You know that... that's right... you know that... Maybe you were just too worried. Or saying that only to coax me to wake up. I-I..." He trembles, fist clinched in tears, "I hope you weren't just... playing with me... there's no audience, you know... You don't have to pretend." He can no longer form words through his own sobs.

Even if there was a confession, doesn't mean it was entirely the truth.

**Umm... The End... of the story... I think...**

**A/N: Well, I had a happy ending in mind but I couldn't really just suddenly make everything ok, ne? (sobs) I'm so confused! I wrote out something different cause I didn't want to do what I had originally wanted to do which would make the story way longer, so I cut it down. When I started to type it up, I decided that I didn't want to do the one I wrote down cause it SUCKED. So I made this up off the top of my head at the last minute... I suck! But I couldn't do the one that would make the story longer because I'm going to Colorado for two weeks then after that school starts back and I'd have no time! But this ending... eh... well I could go back and change this ending to add a happy part to it, or I could go back to what I had wrote down, or I could finish writing what would make the story be longer as more chapters or a sequel... arg! This sucks. (pouts) Help me, my cheeses!**

**Sequel is up**


	7. Sequel Preview

**Preview: What is 'Wrong'—The Sequel**

**A/N:Kaoru POV. I'm gonna put up the real sequel with the title: The Truth. Be on the lookout for it!**

**The Truth**

Rip.

How did I not realize it?

Drop.

Well, I guess I _did _notice it… that's just the problem, though.

Shred.

It's just… I guess… I did notice it, but I just wouldn't be able to actually realize it… I wasn't ready. Because once I did, that would mean I believed it true.

Drip.

And I'm not ready to face the truth.

Deeper. Deeper.

Rip.

Because the truth is, I'm not strong enough to face the truth without him, that's the truth.

Splatter.

The truth is, the truth is too confusing.

…And painful.

"Mr. Hitachiin!" Damn that nurse, always bursting open the door at precise moments like that. "We have told you countless times to stop this! Where do you keep getting these!" She tossed the blade aside, I see from the corner of my eye; I won't look up.

"If you keep this up, we won't be able to release you anytime soon." She says getting the bandages out again. She bends down to my level and picks up a motionless, blood-soaked wrist and wraps it tightly, attempting to stop the massive amount of blood loss and once again, turn them to just more scars to add to my rapidly growing collection.

When she's wrapped them both, she remains at my level. I still refuse to look up to her.

"What are you going to do if Mr. Hikaru sees these?" I feel my eyes grow big as she pulls down my long sleeves to hide the bandages as usual.

"Sh-Shut up." First time I've spoken in a while.

"You and he do everything together. You think he won't notice-"

"It's none of your business! Get out!"

She bows apologetically, then does ask I demanded.

The blade still remains gleaming upon the floor. For the first time in a long time, I smile a real smile. I'm not alone after all. With the sun shining in from the window, it smiles back.

**A/N: The 'truth' thing… yeah even I don't get it. I have already written the 1st Chapter, but I probably won't have it up til this weekend. During the week, I get slaughtered with homework. **

**Ok, so the reason it took me so long was cause my extreme homophobic parents found my myspace. Not pretty. Not to mention, I'm never supposed to get on ever anymore… well anyway, I just did a preview to tell y'all… even though I have NO clue WHERE this is going, I'm trying. I've had my dreams crushed by people who never update or promise sequels and never come through… and I don't wanna do that to y'all. Don't jump me.**


	8. Important Notice

**A/N: Just letting everyone know that the Sequel is up now. It's under 'Sequel: The Truth'. Go check it out! **


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